Today is that kind of day. When I looked at both sleeping, I realised there was no memory. Everything just went by so fast and I was in such a mad rushed mood with family and work that I didn’t really pay attention. I was grumpy. And things slipped by. This project makes me realised that I need to discipline myself, to really spend time and pay attention when I’m with them. I feel sad writing this but yes I do go through a lot of days like this. I feel guilty. As much as I like to lie and say I’m here with you 24/24, my system just automatically shut down. Sometimes Mommy is not in a right place. Sigh. Sorry babies. Mommy promise, tomorrow will be a better day.
I feel like I have so much time for myself tonight. Their eyes were so red and teary and so I tucked them into bed at 9:30 pm and they slept almost instantly! Between waking up early, playing and swimming Tyler is tired. Mind you they used to go to bed after 10:30 and most of the time even later! I feel so free. Now I can play more with photos! Yeah!
So far mum has been writing and documenting your little momentus occasions in your life from the time you were born to your first steps, your birthdays preschool etc. Today you have taken what I would consider to be a very very important milestone in your life. Unlike daddy who cried on his first day at school, you were happy to enjoy and wanting to take on the giant step yourself. Seeing that you were strong enough to do this made me very happy as I know that my little boy has grown up and soon enough he will not need me or mum to be there to hold his hand. In the car today, you said to me you saw mum and I crying when we took you to school. I tested you and asked if you thought we were upset or happy? To which you responded saying “ you cried because you were happy for me going to big school”. You are right my son. What I want to say to you is that although you have grown up and soon be your own person and will gain and find you own your own independence, you must always remember that Mummy and Daddy will be there if you need us and provide you with those unconditional hugs to ease off on the struggles you may face in life. We will only be there to guide you through life, but you have to lay your own steps you want to go in life. Be yourself, explore life and follow your passion but most importantly have fun and keep smiling.
Today is your first day in Kindergarden. Mommy and Daddy stayed up late last night to look through old pictures and to finish off our memories lane. We wanted you to wake up and see. We can hardly believe that you my precious will be a big boy. Where did the time go? The more Mommy trys to remember, the more vague the memories are for me. Am I getting old? I wish I was doing this and writing everything down so I can remember everything. Everything about you, everything that you did and learnt, all your milestone and all the little things that makes my heart tickles. You make my heart tickles my baby boy.
This morning we bathed you and dressed you. It seems as though you’ve grown during the Christmas period because the uniform fitted you nicely. I feel a sense of pride as I looked at you. You jumped around happily in the lounge room and asI looked at you from the hallway, I couldn’t stop my tears. You look so incredibly happy and bright and grown up. When we got to school and as Mommy put your name badge on for you and held your hands and reminded you ” Remember to listen in class, remember to share, remember your hat, remember to have fun, remember to eat your lunch and make sure you know to go to the boys toilet .. ” ” Yes mommy I know I know “, it feels as though my heart got tugged and twisted. It really did. I looked up and I saw your Daddy with red eyes, teary and at that moment Mommy had to turn around to hide mine. You noticed and said ” You crying Mommy ” ” “No it’s hot in here something got in my eyes and I’m so excited and happy.” You hugged me and smiled. When you got to your class, you hugged us and and went into your classroom. Happily.
As the afternoon came, we waited and you came running out with such vibrant smiles. You hugged daddy. You told us you had a good day at school. You even told us during playtime, Erika ( friend from preschool ) came up from behind and tapped you on your shoulder and surprised you. You both then played chasing and hide and seek. It was so cute to hear. As we chatted to other parents, we saw you running, playing hopscotch and climbing stairs. You both were so incredibly confident and happy. You even made us laugh by telling us you were nearly the last finish your lunch! Tyler, you make us so happy and content and proud. So very happy.
Today was so significant and special to us. More than any other day. We love you beyond dearly that we want to hang on for every minute that we can get and yet we love you so much more than that to want to let you go happily. And it conflicts. And that hurts. We dream big dreams for you. We worry for you. We want to clear the road for you. But at the same time, we want you to build big wings with your own strength. Big enough to fly on your own, strong enough to survive any storm. And through all this, we always want to see you smile. If there are days you are feeling down, Mommy and Daddy will always be there to listen to you and comfort you the ways we know how to do best. Remember always. Best of luck my boy!
I just tucked you both to bed. The candle light allowed me enough light just to see your faces. You hugged me, I watched you yawned then drifting into sleep mumbling ‘I lub you Mommy’. It feels different tonight for some reason. I wish I can stop the time. I can’t believe my little boy will be heading to school tomorrow. I went teary looking at you and forced myself to leave the bed to go and iron your uniform and to do this daily post. Mommy opened the door and my eyes rested on the photo frame just outside your bedroom. Can you still remember that day? We were at Narribean beach. You were so scared of the sand so Mommy and Daddy took turns to play with you and comfort so you would like the sand and the beach. I can still remember the sun setting and having you on my shoulder running in the water. Alannah was inside Mommy then. Daddy was in front taking pictures of us. You looked frightened and curious in this image. After a few runs and splashes you love the sand and the beach. No words can describe Mommy’s feeling as I look at the picture tonight. Tomorrow, just like that day, Daddy , Mommy and Alannah will be holding your hands and walk with you to your school. But this time I know you, in reverse will comfort us with your excited and bright smile, making sure we won’t be scared to say goodbye. Mommy hopes to drain all my tears tonight because tomorrow Mommy promise, I won’t cry. At least not in front of you.
As we leave the house today, I noticed Mister kookaburra was sitting on the tree in front of our house. I called out to the kids to come back in to have a look. They were so excited and happy. Happy to the point they sang out loudly in their chirpy voices and dances around with their Daddy with Tyler being the lead singer.
“ Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Merry, merry king of the bush is he
Laugh, Kookaburra! Laugh, Kookaburra! … ”
They sounded so merry. Just like a love festival. Please drop by to visit us regularly Mister Kookaburra. The kids been missing you.